After TTC for almost 3 years and after two failed IUI, I had totally lost hope... The reason for failed IUI was no issue with me, instead it was of the greedy doc (that bi***) who used our sentiments.
Anyways, that's a story for another day. But yes, I had totally lost hope. After second failed attempt I had almost stopped stepping out of home and had turned almost suicidal. I had started hating everything and everyone, including myself and my husband. I knew we were suffering so I suggested adoption but no one in my family agreed to it, starting with my husband. "Let's try one more year, if we are unsuccessful even then, we will consider"
My husband, for the record, is the nicest and kindest man you will ever know. He loves me to his core and I love him equally however at that time I was so frustrated that I believed he was being unkind and doesn't understand - I wanted to a divorce. Yes, this was my lowest point I believe and I was that depressed and hopeless.
For a change, he took me to Goa and got onboard with my decision to change the city. I literally fled Mumbai and moved to Delhi hoping change of surroundings will help. And they did help.
I am not sure where the magic happened but I missed my periods - again. I have abrupt cycle and no thanks to past failed IUIs it was much worse. As I got 2 months overdue I asked him to get me pills to get my periods back. I didn't want to take another pregnancy test and undergo another round of depression. However, he brought both.
"Please just give it a try, what if?" he was hopeful.
"How can you be hopeful. We are cursed," I yelled and locked myself in the room and cried for hours. This was so not me, I get angry, depressed and I usually throw things but I don't cry. This was new. So were the weird pains I was getting all over but I dismissed them as nothing.
I don't remember much of the evening of that day as I cried a lot and eventually fell asleep. He tried to get me to eat but I couldn't.
I woke up at 4:15 am due to an sudden urge to pee. As I stepped in the bathroom I saw the pregnancy kit neatly placed on the sink. He knew I was suffering from 'frequent urination' issue and would wake up early morning. I knew he wanted me to take that test... So for him, I took it. (They say to take it early in the morning as the hormones are most concentrated then). I left it on the counter and started roaming around. After some time, what seemed like hours, I decided to check it - you know just for the sake of checking and my whole world turned upside down. It was a BFP...
I stared at it for good five minutes until the reality set in. "Oh my God! It happened..."
It was still 4:30 am and he was sleeping peacefully. I decided to inform him in the morning. But anyone who knows me can tell, I can't stomach anything exciting and by 4:31 am he was awake and getting the best news of his life. He was going to be a father... I still remember the expressions he had when he woke, he was shocked and worried for my well-being. But when he heard the news, he was delighted and speechless. God, we both couldn't believe that after so many years it finally happened. And I am forever grateful to him for not letting me take those pills right away. I don't know what disaster might have happened if I did take them...
So that is my story of getting those 2 dark lines...
What is yours? Do share...
Lots of love.