Love at First Sight - The First Sonogram

I still remember the desperation we felt when we first visited the gynecologist... Given the history we both were exceptionally skeptical. My mind was yelling, 'is it true? We need to know for sure...' It had been more than 20 hours since we found out and both of us didn't had guts to share the news with anyone... What if it was false positive...

Containing our happiness and skepticism, we booked the first appointment we got to the closest gynae in our area. And we waited...

At the doctor's: 'you have all the symptoms and if the home test gave you two dark lines than it is a positive. Congratulations,' she has said... but she didn't know my fear. I have had these symptoms before as well. She understood my hesitation and prescribed a sonograph.

Unfortunately we were too late in getting the appointment and the sonography department was already closing. 

'If you make the payment now, the doc can do the sonography today. But you will get reports Monday,' said the receptionist. We actually had to get it done so my husband hurried to the payment counter and the sonographer prepped me. The moment payment appeared in her system she turned on the machine...

And there it was... I was so used to seeing empty black screen that I could not believe my eyes. Right in the center of the screen, with the size as small as a tiny droplet, and fluttering a little too fast for my knowledge was my angel's heart. I still remember the blissful feeling I got in that moment. The feeling of joy, satisfaction and love - I have no words to express. It was in that moment I fell in love, yes I was just a tiny dot but I knew this dot will transform in a beautiful baby, whom I so lovingly hold in my arms now.

My biggest regret that day was that my husband missed this serene first sight of our baby. Damn that sonographer, she couldn't even wait for two minutes. But he did get to see the pictures. Anyways, he went to the next appointment and in that one, he fell in love at his first sight...

Lots of Love

Those 2 much awaited dark lines...

After TTC for almost 3 years and after two failed IUI, I had totally lost hope... The reason for failed IUI was no issue with me, instead it was of the greedy doc (that bi***) who used our sentiments.

Anyways, that's a story for another day. But yes, I had totally lost hope. After second failed attempt I had almost stopped stepping out of home and had turned almost suicidal. I had started hating everything and everyone, including myself and my husband. I knew we were suffering so I suggested adoption but no one in my family agreed to it, starting with my husband. "Let's try one more year, if we are unsuccessful even then, we will consider"

My husband, for the record, is the nicest and kindest man you will ever know. He loves me to his core and I love him equally however at that time I was so frustrated that I believed he was being unkind and doesn't understand - I wanted to a divorce. Yes, this was my lowest point I believe and I was that depressed and hopeless.

For a change, he took me to Goa and got onboard with my decision to change the city. I literally fled Mumbai and moved to Delhi hoping change of surroundings will help. And they did help.

I am not sure where the magic happened but I missed my periods - again. I have abrupt cycle and no thanks to past failed IUIs it was much worse. As I got 2 months overdue I asked him to get me pills to get my periods back. I didn't want to take another pregnancy test and undergo another round of depression. However, he brought both.

"Please just give it a try, what if?" he was hopeful.

"How can you be hopeful. We are cursed," I yelled and locked myself in the room and cried for hours. This was so not me, I get angry, depressed and I usually throw things but I don't cry. This was new. So were the weird pains I was getting all over but I dismissed them as nothing.

I don't remember much of the evening of that day as I cried a lot and eventually fell asleep. He tried to get me to eat but I couldn't. 

I woke up at 4:15 am due to an sudden urge to pee. As I stepped in the bathroom I saw the pregnancy kit neatly placed on the sink. He knew I was suffering from 'frequent urination' issue and would wake up early morning. I knew he wanted me to take that test... So for him, I took it. (They say to take it early in the morning as the hormones are most concentrated then). I left it on the counter and started roaming around. After some time, what seemed like hours, I decided to check it - you know just for the sake of checking and my whole world turned upside down. It was a BFP...

I stared at it for good five minutes until the reality set in. "Oh my God! It happened..." 

It was still 4:30 am and he was sleeping peacefully. I decided to inform him in the morning. But anyone who knows me can tell, I can't stomach anything exciting and by 4:31 am he was awake and getting the best news of his life. He was going to be a father... I still remember the expressions he had when he woke, he was shocked and worried for my well-being. But when he heard the news, he was delighted and speechless. God, we both couldn't believe that after so many years it finally happened. And I am forever grateful to him for not letting me take those pills right away. I don't know what disaster might have happened if I did take them...

So that is my story of getting those 2 dark lines...

What is yours? Do share...

Lots of love.